days spent in our heads

its 530 in the morning and im awake because i keep having nightmares. my pillow is soaked in sweat and i feel like i could puke if i had enough courage to walk the 10 feet to my bathroom, but the house is dark and im to scared to leave my room, not like its any safer in here, shadows are long on the walls and i woke up so many times only to fall back into that fucked up half sleep that im not even sure im awake right now, typing these stupid words that no one bothers to read anyway. the nightmares dont make sense, and they probably never do. i find myself in old houses of mine that now seem bigger and flipped upside down with my family under the same roof but offering no help, my brother is closer but still just out of reach but when i get scared all i want him to do is protect me. warnings of ghosts and a sinking feeling in my stomach keep me from falling asleep, even in my dreams i cant sleep. on a desert road i try to rest in the front seat of my car and just before i can something starts to shake it and i cant reach the keys to drive away, all i want is to sleep.

i miss you

so fucking much.

aw heck

she has a heart shaped burn on her throat,
and ive got a gaping wound just below my collar bone.

tell me to stop

its funny how if you start your night off saying things like "i want to puke in this house" or "this night is going down in flames" thats usually what happens, self fulfilling prophecies i guess. i need to get back to basics, ive cut to many cords that were wrapped to tight around my throat. ive been riding more and my legs are coming back which feels amazing however my free time is officially gone as of tomorrow, ill be working 12 hour days six days a week just so i dont have to move back into my parents house. nights are starting to blur together and i dont mind the dull pain, in fact, i probably need it so i dont lose my mind. i hurt myself more than anyone else ever could, i think about dumping acid in my ears just make it easier for you to hate me, but you would probably eat that up, thats always the case. the worse i get, the more i act like a child, the more i spit in the face of "good ideas" the more of my blood i throw in the water to attract the sharks, they are swimming around my feet as we speak, but the scary part is i hate the idea of clear safe water. so ill keep feeding you, as long as you keep biting at my limbs.





"out of spite the lightning strikes him twice"

sell me sex?

im choking on lust.

a cheap shot at love

" i shot my partner in a training exercise today"

"oh awesome"

"well, you aren't supposed to, see, a partner is like a buddy."

"what!? you shot your buddy?!"





"even Christ himself would cringe at the sight of your scars. "

how could you lay that slick faggot?

i met the mothman

he told me he wants to see you.





























Ill wrap this year up when im damn well ready.



"We made a sacrifice"