Thursday, December 25, 2008
all that white shit in the back of your throat cant be good for you (its a virus not a sexual joke)
I've been sick for 5 days, its a terrible sore throat which is worse than almost anything. Do not ever take for granted the ability to eat solid foods or swallow anything for that matter. i don't want to point fingers but i will because i know who got me sick, it was the hordes of green eyed monsters i was surrounded by while i was trying to do a little christmas shopping for the ones i love. if your going out in public try and keep your fingers out of your mouth or nose or asshole or wherever you stuff them while you are trying to find the perfect hannah montana doll to stuff into your fat child's cheeto encrusted mouth, that way i don't have to touch something that is already covered in your filth. i wanted to see my doctor but he was booked until who knows when so i went to a take care clinic which is located in some walgreens i felt a bit like a leper walking into to that place seeking cheap no questions asked health care however; i was pleasantly surprised buy the service i was given. the doctor(so said the badge on his coat) at first seemed like a ice cold old prick but after taking my info and asking about my symptoms began to warm up and i found my self being able to engage in meaningful small talk with( is that an oxymoron?) and this built up my trust in his doctor like abilities in this mock-exam room. he told me i had some virus and that he could save me a bunch of money because it wasn't strep throat ( thank god because i just spent most of my money on flex fit hats) his at home remedy was white vinegar, i was to gargle with it for 1 minute every two hours until my throat felt better, easy. i left the walgreens with positive thoughts of getting better in my head and 60 dollars less in my bank account. the doctor was also scratching his crotch pretty often while he was talking to me, but whatever. so i bought the vinegar and mentally prepared myself for the act of putting that stuff in my mouth for 10 seconds let alone 1 minute, the taste wasn't the bad part it was the burning, white vinegar is a 1 on the PH scale, that is fucked up. i could feel it melting my taste buds and filling the cracks of my chapped lips but i guess that means it was kicking the shit out of any bad guys growing in the back of my mouth (later to find out i was way wrong). after gargling with vinegar 4 times i was no longer able to taste the christmas eve dinner that my parents had prepared and my throat didn't really feel any better and i could now notice large pieces of skin peeling off the back of my throat as a result of that crotch scratching doctors back ally advice. so i spent christmas eve on my parents couch watching "A Child's Christmas In Whales" and "The Hills Have Eyes 2" around 2 am i fell into a nyquil educed sleep and woke up several times in the night, (that stuff makes me have fucked up dreams). I finally woke up for good around 11am, it was christmas morning and I'm actually excited despite me feeling shitty. the events that followed were pretty standard, mom, dad, brother, me, presents, james taylor christmas music and good breakfast. i got rad stuff this year, a new bike, a firearm (for the race war), and so many cool pointless toy type things. the rest of my day was fueled by antibiotics and dayquil because i was over this vinegar shit. dinner came quickly a good group of people, not an annoying amount of strange relatives and friends that you have to force some sort of emotion for. the food was good and i managed to hide my head from my family despite some close calls. my parents got drunk and loud so i tried to catch up by sneaking rum splashed with eggnog, it didn't work that stuff is bad wrong. goodbyes were said and now I'm at home looking in the mirror at layers of white shit caked on the back of my throat, exactly what the doctor said strep was and exactly what the doctor told me i didn't have, i should have listened to my 21 year old genius roommate diagnose me 2 days ago "i bet its strep dude.". Christmas was overall pretty sweet despite being sick, but now its almost over and I'm lonely and home by myself with a cold bed, the next two days are going to be long. I'm going to buy mountain bike shoes and pedals tomorrow so i can get back on my bike and do the kona race in feb. this has been a pointless rant. goodnight.
"you can't make me come down anchored something fierce locked in set straight"
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