days spent in our heads

its 530 in the morning and im awake because i keep having nightmares. my pillow is soaked in sweat and i feel like i could puke if i had enough courage to walk the 10 feet to my bathroom, but the house is dark and im to scared to leave my room, not like its any safer in here, shadows are long on the walls and i woke up so many times only to fall back into that fucked up half sleep that im not even sure im awake right now, typing these stupid words that no one bothers to read anyway. the nightmares dont make sense, and they probably never do. i find myself in old houses of mine that now seem bigger and flipped upside down with my family under the same roof but offering no help, my brother is closer but still just out of reach but when i get scared all i want him to do is protect me. warnings of ghosts and a sinking feeling in my stomach keep me from falling asleep, even in my dreams i cant sleep. on a desert road i try to rest in the front seat of my car and just before i can something starts to shake it and i cant reach the keys to drive away, all i want is to sleep.